336 Hours

Last Day of Meditation

I feel like I have failed. The last couple of days I have put off meditation because of stress when really i should have been focusing on meditating. My best friend went to the mountains all this four day weekend however so I snuck in much needed self reflection time. When I meditate I gave between my eyebrows where my third eye lays dormant. Sometimes when I focus and let the world slip away it becomes a orb of light the shade of pastal blue. Jai Guru.

Ordinary love is selfish, darkly rooted in desiresand satisfactions. Divine love is without condition, without boundary, without change. The flux of the human heart is gone forever at the transfixing touch of pure love. -

Swami Sri Yukteswar

Philo

Most of us are accustomed to looking outside of ourselves for fulfillment. We are living in a world that conditions us to believe that outer attainments can give us what we want. Yet again and again I feel like our experiences show us that nothing external can completely fulfill the deep longing within for “something more.”

Most of the time, however, we find ourselves striving toward that which always seems to lie just beyond our reach. We are caught up in doing rather than being, in action rather than awareness. It is hard for us to picture a state of complete calmness and repose in which thoughts and feelings cease to dance in perpetual motion. Yet perhaps it is through such a state of quietude that we can touch a level of joy and understanding impossible to achieve otherwise. WHo knows? Perhaps Yogananda had the right idea….

SRF says that ordinarily our awareness and energies are directed outward, to the things of this world, which we perceive through the limited instruments of our five senses. Because human reason has to rely upon the partial and often deceptive data supplied by the physical senses, we must learn to tap deeper and more subtle levels of awareness if we would solve the enigmas of life — Who am I? Why am I here?

With meditation and yoga, I feel that he traditional materialistic conception of life has vanished  with the discovery that matter and energy are essentially one: every existing substance can be reduced to a pattern or form of energy. That energy interacts and interconnects with other connected webs of life.

Meditation before eating requires much strength i don’t have and will power I never knew existed. It forces me to prioritize my life and consider the order in which things should come. This morning I woke up at 5:30 and climbed the avocado tree of coarse leaves and nutria soiled ground to sit in the branches and reep in the warmth on my inner being. If this sounds hoaky to you, please read no farther but this is truly what I experienced. A sense of stillness and that no one would be able to reach me high above it all. Its the feeling of getting high without the melancholy.

I have realized that we as a society are protected from so much pain. For example: graves.
The earth’s roots and brown-black blood are busy covering the soft, violated bodies of our loved ones . Death is a secret, a faux pa. Youth, fetishist. 

ahh and the senses ought not to be blocked. though ketimine is the new form of meditation.

and the rain with its many hands will wash off the streets to the gutters death’s thick surprise.

The instantaneous shutter of the eye never fails,

the courtesies of the tongue. What goes on in the rooms of houses
is guarded from us by the hardwood doors,

the carefully closed windows. Whatever was said or done,
night will come, eagerly, to clean up.

And death will shield us too, in time, form the

sun’s megalithic promise:
Tomorrow, the same day.
Tomorrow, the same day.

For example: A flower
is the most beautiful lie.

In the Temple

As soon as i entered the shrine of the devotees a chill of sorts coursed my spine.  Like I was coming home after a long hiking trip through the woods. It was empowering to know i could pick up from where I left off all those what it seemed to be years ago. We had an easy 15 minute mediation and I practiced the Hung Saw technique that Baba Shruti taught me when I was 10. Its funny though how many people visit the temple expecting some new age saga shit and instead find it very old and wise. The answers are not presented to us but instead revealed through the science of meditation and kriya yoga. Next weekend I am going to a service at the temple to meet some of the yogis for the teen group. I cannot wait to ask them questions!

Feelings From An Inner Space

                                                                        (No crying)

          Filling with the knowledge of language’s mysteries,

                     Dancing from the movements of gesture’s memories,

                          Singing the chants of tones timelessly sung,

                               Being from the space of that which is.…

                                    Loving from the dreams’ seas,

                                         Creating from colors of visions still perceived;

With All that is me.

Its funny how some people need a cup of coffee to wake up in the morning. Some, a cigarette. Though on my first cleansing morning of meditation, I felt vibrant and jubilant,  much more here now, than fretting about the future.

Its refreshing to feel centered as if a whirling dervish, levitating upon my mind more so.

But yikes its 10:12 perhaps thats why I feel so sentimental towards my day.

Apprehensions

Preliminary note/ Spoiler Alert: Lamentably, I report, I did not find God.

I have not always been one to search for a spiritual path. The common cure to teenage anxiety and their existence on earth is matter-a-factly a rejection of orthodox precedences set before them i;e atheism, nihilism. For a while now, I have been interested in the philosophy of how we cope with our existence and how to find fulfillment in our lives without suffering from a Sisyphus complex. Last summer I had somewhat lost a hold on myself and on reality. Not to be dramatic and tantalizingly pull you in with a train wreck story, I was indeed spiraling out of control, ready for change, and sick of my views on the world as a sheltered child would perceive. In such a way, the religion of SRF met me mid-way.